whacked me harder than i tought

Didi Ooi, your last entry could wake anyone who reads it into reality.
It totally gave a real mind blowing kick right in the arse.

"Those who have the money to have good education doesn't make full use of them.

Worse, there are some educated who are very uneducated emotionally and totally lack of discipline.

Sometimes you wonder why those who work hard couldn't get what they try working hard for.

And those spoilt brats, procrastinators or slackers get what they want without putting any effort into it."
Didi Ooi 2007

I've never put my mind into doing anything, i tend to take things for granted. I've thought about it all the time and regretted why didn't i kept a 110% effort into what ever i'm doing, but yet i still take things for granted.
For example, sports. I was never serious in my participation in sports, it's all for fun.
School, my senior high was a wreck, i could have done a thousand times better. All i could think off was just FUN. Everything was taken for granted.

Everything is given to me, no finger lifting needed. Parents provided full education and i've not used full use of it, i'm a waste.

Didi Ooi, because of you, you have turned my future brighter than supernova.
I am going to put full use of the education my parents provided for me. Hopefully i shall turn up top in my class (if got the potential i shall work it off to make it happen).

All my beloved friends, you guys are truly true friends. 'One for all, and all for one!' Specially you, DD!!
Love hugs and kisses!

ooOO Lala

I registered under 3 (telephone company) today and got a free phone. Sony Ericsson z610i. Also applied for mobile tv package and the mms package. I love the mobile tv package, why u ask? because got a whole channel dedicated to porn!!!! wakakaka real actual porn, 24-7 how cool can that be 8-P
Will be watching porn during boring lectures, YAHOO, hehe makingh good use of my time.
and also got mtv, cartoon network and other channels. OOo and on the mms package i can send unlimited mms to any1 on 3 for $3.

Oh yeah and today i ran 3.5km in 20 mins, my personal best :D

am happy

Ari Ga To, Kim-san

kimmy!! thanks for the blog entry dedication. your so sweet =D
i wanna hug u!!! thanks kim.

wishing i had a time machine, turn back time, and re-live it again.

memories

Ps. Wanted to post more pics, but i takes donkey years to be uploaded :(

Loving it!

I'm really starting to love the wonders of biology and chemistry.
Biology especially, it's a subject full of new things to see. Next week for practicals, we are going to fertilise sea urchins!! How cool could this subject get??
For chemistry, i really enjoy reading the text book. Well actually i started reading because i did not wanna fall back behind the aussie or other students. During my first PASS(Tutorial), the other students, mostly aussie students were really outstanding. WOW outstanding, i was speechless. Confined myself at the corner and zipped my mouth shut. So now, i've been trying hard to keep up :D Am proud of myself! Not going to lose! Wakaka

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Elaine, Elaine, my wonderful cousin...
There are ups and downs in life,
and the downs makes us stronger.. Right DD??
Emo brings out another side of us.. Variations in life makes things spicier.
HEHEHE

By the way, CONGRATS!!! on acing ur test!! Shows that you've been working hard!! Keep it UP!!
If u ace it again, make sure you celebrate by sending us gifts from NZ!! :D

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Missing all of you guys. SFC'05
our crazy days
screaming and cheering during sports day..
oh yeah DD, u remember the food/water fight in school during form 2?? yg kena marah by the principal that.. we played with ice cream....
all those vain pictures we took
eating in class.. me and my economy meehoon and dd with her PB&J sandwich, eating cempedak... Don't u guys miss the chicken wing from the canteen?
haha
high school MOMENTS.. they were the best
Oh yeah! on those times where we cheated in our test and exams =p

life was good, and still good

my day

had lectures/prac/tutorials/PASS from 10am to 5pm today...
7 hours 420 minutes 25200 seconds
the fun part is i did not had a single break in between...
i'm suprise that i'm still alive sitting down by my laptop updating my blog *.*

Ur presence

Why all of a sudden i start remembering dreams?
Dreams that seem so real that showers me with emotions.
It hits me like a meteor shower, constantly and painfully.

The dream i had this morning was of someone who means alot to me.
A person with a special smile, that colours my world.

I really miss you, wishing that you could be by my side, day and night till the day i die.
Dreaming about you brightens my day, it puts me in a state of dilemma...

It's was the dose of happiness that i long seek for, you turned my world around.
In with the bright and sunny Daphne out with the dark and twisty.

Hopefully it would last for a long period of time.

Before it expires it would mean the world to me to be bless with another dream.

Smoking

Picking up a new addiction to curb the other.
It's hard to let go of an addiction, especially one that i've been addicted to for a seriously extremely totally very long time.
Been having cravings, and it's hard for me to just wave it off.
I can't just satisfy it...
That's what that is making life hard.
Getting my mind of it is the only way but the only thing strong enough to get my mind off it is by inflciting pain upon myself. Nothing else works.
I've been getting odd dreams for a few days straight and i'm starting to wonder if it's a sign from somewhere.
It's a dream 'telling' me to pick up smoking to curb the other addiction.
But it doesn't seemed like a very saint thing to do, well not like i've been a very good saint. I'm more of a devil anyways.
The only part about my dream that i remember is me smoking, it gave me a relieving feeling every time. It's already so orgasmic in my dream, how heavenly would it get in real life?
I've hated smokers for ages, and i never saw myself being in this situation before.
I feel like the biggest hypocrite on the universe now.
I've not started smoking yet, but it's taking every single bit of strength i've got to hold myself back from picking up such habit.

breakdown

I need a break from reality, the pressure is to much for me to withstand
Please understand my cravings and needs.

I'm merely human, i need your understanding pronto.
Reach deep inside me and feel what am i going through, feel my soul.
I've been trying to show how i feel and what's going on, but it seemed as if you were blind.
Don't blame me if i decide to end it all, because i can't do it on my own.
I've tried it once and i'm not afraid to try it again.

If i do, i'll do it right this time.
There won't be any turning back.

A new Paragraph

My eyes voluntarily opened in a sudden shock
Felt my heart pulse racing
My chest hurt like it never did before
Breathing hard
Pupils dilated
Tears running down my cheeks down to the corner of my dry lips


I've woken up from a dream,
a dream that would change my life,
a dream that made me realise my greatest fear...


The fear of AMPUTATION haunts me everyday since then.

I'm at risk due to my health conditions,
Now
Tomorrow
The day after tomorrow
Next month
Next year
MY WHOLE LIFE, every second of it I'm constantly at risk

I could lose a limb anytime, anywhere if i do not put a stop to it.

The STOP starts now
I am a FIGHTER
a fighter who knows no fear
a fighter who would fight for her life and live to tell it

It shall not control me, I SHALL CONTROL IT
I believe in the confidence, strength, will and passion in me.
I will live my whole life till the very last breath as a 'Whole'

A piece of puzzle from my past

The moment i knew i was one,

I was in a state of obliteration.

At that very juncture, all i could see was my whole life flash right through me.

All the warmness's in life was being sucked out of my soul literally, darkness was the only thing left in me.

Numbness was the only thing that i could feel, nothing could or would penetrate my already harden heart. I'm shutting everything out of my life, because i choose to do so. It felt good being shut out, because it gives me a taste of morbidness.
Pandora's box had been planted in me, neither i nor you would know when it would unleash it's content. Only time would tell.

My flaming passion to explore the long and winding journey of life had been blown out, stripped bare from the colours and surrounded by darkness; LOST was what i felt.

Nothing brought meaning to me like it used to before, life became meaningless to me.

MONOTONOUS was the only thing that well described the present me at that time.
All my face showed was demise.

That's when i started putting on a mask, a mask that was leak prove that it fooled all.

All i wished for was death to be brought upon me.

A single piece of puzzle tells a whole load of story...
And this is one piece of my life