defeated by my own thoughts

Being sick for so long, is getting my parents worried.
My family have been in a way pretty 'superstitious'.
So yesterday they went to the temple to ask for a 'remedy' to help me get better.
I choose to be a pharmacist, and by trying the 'remedy', how should i feel/think.
And what if the 'remedy' does work?
It defeats me inside to actually see the point for me to continue studying pharmacy.


Troubled by all the issues revolving around me,
my strength to stay standing has a limit.
If i were to fall and be defeated (in that area), mustering the strength back would be an effort that might as well not exist.
I might as well dip myself into some other field, with a fresh start.